The swirling darkness, the lead blanket, the broken record of failures. It's back. Depression.
I don't remember how to smile. It feels unnatural.
The silence in my ears is deafening. The clock ticking, the buzz of the refrigerator, the keys on my keyboard clacking, my dog licking his ass. These are the only sounds penetrating the stillness.
I like stillness. I like silence. This is oppressive.
My facial muscles are drooping. It hurts to move them. My pulse is throbbing in my forehead.
Sometimes the darkness is a blanket I want to wrap myself in. Today, I need to cast it aside. I need to go to work. I need to smile. I need to be present.
I just want to lay down and not move.
Flights of fancy. Escape. Impossible day dreams. Fictional characters bring comfort. They can't disappoint. They can be rewritten. The bad parts of their story cast aside or reformed.
Love who isn't. Avoid who is.
This is my depression.
